Hacko 123 Report post Posted November 12, 2015 Went to doctors for a prostate check. Doctor puts two fingers up bum. I asked, why two fingers? Doctor - 2nd opinion. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdytdy 5,343 Report post Posted November 12, 2015 When I went for a prostate check I asked the Doctor "Where shall I put my pants?"....Over there next to mine wasn't the answer I was expecting. Cubes, chevy86, Ashoka and 1 other 4 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hacko 123 Report post Posted November 12, 2015 After my prostate exam, the doctor left. Then the nurse came in. At that point, she whispered the 5 words no man wants to hear: "Who the f*ck was that?" Gruff 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
zelda kratchanova 2 501 Report post Posted November 12, 2015 boris says why are push ups brassiairs like potato chip bags? coz when you open them they are both half full Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yankiwi 782 Report post Posted November 12, 2015 In alphabetical order. HRNZ JCA NZGRA NZRB NZTR RIU TAB henry30, elbow and TOM(the other Molloy) 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
henry30 37 Report post Posted November 13, 2015 What's the difference between praying in a church and at the track? At the track you really mean it !!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
globederby12 1,495 Report post Posted November 13, 2015 My son asked me what was the difference between a crow and a blackbird. I said a crow has a slightly bigger beak and a fan shaped tail. A blackbird has rubbery lips,fuzzy hair and a massive arse. Hacko and vanturk1 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
globederby12 1,495 Report post Posted November 13, 2015 Steven Hawling went on his first date in ten years,and when he got back he had smashed glasses,broken wrist,twisted anke and grazed knees. Apparently she'd stood him up vanturk1 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
globederby12 1,495 Report post Posted November 13, 2015 The Chinese Govt has thanked Britain for the rescue dogs they sent them. They said they were delicious porky, vanturk1 and bestbets 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
globederby12 1,495 Report post Posted November 13, 2015 My sexy Chinese neighbour told me she was desperate for a roger. It was only when I had my trousers round my ankles, that I realised she wanted to rent her spare room out. chevy86, Grego, henry30 and 3 others 6 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
globederby12 1,495 Report post Posted November 13, 2015 INVESTEMENT OPPORTUNITY A German engineer has just started his own business in Afghanistan. He's making land mines that look like prayer mats. It's doing well He say's prophets are going through the roof ivanthegreat, napier, vanturk1 and 3 others 6 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
globederby12 1,495 Report post Posted November 13, 2015 In Venice ,the local authority has allowed Muslims to pray in the streets So far 365 have drowned. Grego, napier and vanturk1 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hacko 123 Report post Posted November 13, 2015 A woman jockey is riding in the Grand National. She'll be all right - it's not as if she'll have to reverse the horse into the starting stall. vanturk1 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spikecity 749 Report post Posted November 13, 2015 Unexpected sex – that’s a great way to wake up. If you are not in a prison… Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spikecity 749 Report post Posted November 13, 2015 Sometimes during the weekends I drink some water - to surprise my liver. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hacko 123 Report post Posted November 16, 2015 The wife was not best pleased when I told her my plans to book us a world cruise had fallen through due to last minute complications that were out of my hands It's not like I ASKED the f*cking jockey to fall off the horse rdytdy and bloke 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
globederby12 1,495 Report post Posted November 17, 2015 I was the kid next door's imaginary friend Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivanthegreat 1,123 Report post Posted November 17, 2015 An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful. . .except, every few minutes the Indian would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final, "Yahoo!" and rode off. "What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant. "Nothing. I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn’t fall off." "Lady," the attendant said, "Indians ride bareback" elbow and bloke 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivanthegreat 1,123 Report post Posted November 17, 2015 A DWARF WITH A LISP... A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm.... 'I'd like to buy a horth' he says. What sort of horse?', said the owner. 'A female horth,' the owner shows him a mare. 'Nithe horth,' says the dwarf, 'can I thee her eyth?" The owner picks him up shows the eyes. 'Nith eyth', says the dwarf, 'can I thee her teeth?' The owner picks him up shows the teeth. 'Nith teeth,' he says 'now can I see her twot?' The owner picks him up and shoves his head deep inside the horses vagina, pulls him out. The dwarf shakes his head and says 'Perhaps I should weefwaze that... 'Can I see her wun awound? Gruff, vanturk1 and elbow 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diver Dan 187 Report post Posted November 17, 2015 A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, 'I have a headache.' 'Perfect,' her husband said.' I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally, or as a suppository, it's up to you.' elbow, vanturk1 and bloke 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivanthegreat 1,123 Report post Posted November 17, 2015 http://www.youtube.com/embed/ub1Dc3NHZ3s?autoplay=1&cc_load_policy=1 Gruff, elbow and globederby12 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivanthegreat 1,123 Report post Posted November 18, 2015 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivanthegreat 1,123 Report post Posted November 18, 2015 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivanthegreat 1,123 Report post Posted November 18, 2015 Luigi walks to work 20 blocks every day and passes a shoe store twice every day. Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Armani leather shoes. He wants those shoes so much...it's all he can think about. After about 2 months he saves the price of the shoes, $300, and purchases them. Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance in the church basement. Luigi seizes this opportunity to wear his new Armani leather shoes for the first time. He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her, 'Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?' Startled, Sophia replies, 'Yes, Luigi , I do wear red panties tonight, But how do you know?' Luigi answers, 'I see the reflection in my new $300 Armani leather shoes. How do you like them?' Next he asks Rosa to dance, and after a few minutes he asks, ' Rosa , do you wear white panties tonight?' Rosa answers, 'Yes, Luigi, I do, But how do you know that?' He replies, 'I see the reflection in my new $300 Armani leather shoes.. . How do you like them?' Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played, Luigi asks Carmela to dance. Midway through the dance his face turns red... He states, 'Carmela, be stilla my heart, Please, please tell me you wear no panties tonight, Please, please, tella me this true!' Carmela smiles coyly and answers, 'Yes Luigi , I wear no panties tonight...' Luigi gasps, 'Thanka God ... I thought I had a CRACK in my $300 Armani Leather Shoes ......... Grego, globederby12, elbow and 1 other 4 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdytdy 5,343 Report post Posted November 19, 2015 Two whales, a male and a female, were swimming side by side in the ocean. Suddenly, the male whale spots a ship in the distance. He recognises it as The whaling ship that killed his father. Filled with anger, he says to his female companion, "That's the ship that Killed my father! Let's swim closer!" When they were close enough, the male said, "Why don't we swim under the Ship and blow air through our blow holes and break the ship into a million Pieces? That will be sweet revenge." And the female agreed to this. So they each took a deep breath of air, swam under the ship, and blew Enormous amounts of air under the ship. The ship flew into the air and Crashed back to the sea and broke into a million pieces. The pair of whales started to swim off when they realised that the sailors were not dead, but clinging to pieces of wood and floating in the ocean. The male whale was furious and said to the female whale, "They're still Alive, but I've got another idea. Let's swim around and gulp up all the Sailors!" That's when the female stopped swimming, looked at the male and said, "Oh No... I agreed to the blow job but I'm NOT swallowing the seamen." elbow, vanturk1, Grego and 1 other 4 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...