RaceCafe..#1...Tipsters Thread.... Share Your Fancies For Fun...Lets See Who The Best Tipsters Here Are.

The Diceman Cometh

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Everything posted by The Diceman Cometh

  1. Sweet Farking Jesus...... Brian Tamati is amongst us.
  2. One night a small, twin engined commercial airplane was flying over South Auckland with five people on board: the pilot, the late Jonah Lomu, a very pissed Whisky Winston Peters, the Dali Lama and Johm Key. Suddenly there was an explosion and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened and the pilot burst into the compartment. "Gentlemen, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in South Auckland. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them." With that the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane. Jonah Lomu was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen, I am New Zealand's greatest athlete. The country needs great athletes. I think the greatest athlete should have a parachute.!" With these words he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night. Whisky Winn Peters rose in a drunken stupor and said "Gennamin, I am the country's cleverest man without doubt. I am a saint, that cool my shit don't stink and I have sooooo many dodgy deals on the go, I can't die. The country needs clever men. It needs ME and I think NZ's cleverest man should have parachute too." He grabbed one and out he jumped. The Dalai Lama and John Key looked at one another. Finally, the Dali Lama spoke. "My son, I have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you. You take the parachute and I will go down with the plane." John Key smiled slowly and said "That's awesome, your holiness, but chill out. NZ's cleverest man just jumped out wearing my backpack.
  3. That reflection you refer to........ Think I would enjoy working as a mirror cleaner. It’s just something I could really see myself doing. The rear view mirror fell out of my car a couple of months ago and I have never replaced it. Haven’t looked back since. Spotted Santa’s assistant taking a photo in a mirror. Think it was an elfie. Oh, and just to confirm, Whisky Winn is a lying old Farking life time trougher, drinking out of the public booze cabinet, funnily enough, at your expense. On second thought, you are on a benefit, so it is at my expense. But being the bible bashing left wing soft cock, you are, you and your sixteen siblings will no doubt be happy with that. You are a total waste of space. Fark off.
  4. Work all day long without hope, Stress makes it so hard to cope. So when I get home, I twist up a bone, And smoke the stuff not used for rope...........or leads, or reins or ?????
  5. Funny you should mention that. I was listening to that same news item on CNN and Goooober was totally incoherent. Hardly surprising I suppose. It is the Cannabis News Network.
  6. It was a hell of an auction. It was a mortgagee sale with the property having a GV of around $6 million. When the bloke woke up on auction day he would be hoping for the best to get out of a tight situation. Three genuine buyers, two who joined together to out last the third. His final few bids were probably resentment ones, to make the other two feel some extra pain in securing it. It was great theatre and well done to Tony and Des and the boys. And the vendor was that happy, he went and bought another farm the same day with the extra proceeds that surely had not been anticipated before the gavel fell. Only in bloody Cambridge
  7. Explain how my lawn is firmer than Counties track today You have artificial grass You live on the 3rd floor of a housing department dwelling and don't have a back yard at all Who gives a flying fark
  8. All right, I was being a smart arse........I apologise
  9. Do your form lad, before engaging brain..... On Saturday August 30 2014 none of the 1200 races held that day were run in under 1.13.00 The 1400 were around 1.28 and the 1600 was won in 1.40
  10. Blue, you make some reasonable points. Are you assuming the numbers in Chris's team will drop significantly because he is on his own? My gut feel is that he may well maintain the stable strike rate achieved previously, even with a slightly smaller number of runners. I anticipate that within the hour we will witness many many lengths between first and last participants at Trentham. The rain that the Southern North Island has had in recent days suggests they are lucky to be having a meeting at all.
  11. Fark me.....did I read that correctly? What do you call a mentally challenged person with half a brain? 100 to none
  12. Well, I suppose he has at least found another of his long forgotten kids, and you are to be complimented on your fettish admiration toward him.
  13. I found a few more of his dribbling .... One word sums up probably the responsibility of any deputy prime minister, and that one word is 'to be prepared.' I love Auckland, I practically grew up in Hamilton. It's wonderful to be here in the great Province of Invercargill. I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people. We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe. The global importance of the Middle East is that it keeps the Far East and the Near East from encroaching on each other. We're going to have the best-educated Kiwi people in the world. I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change. We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur. The future will be better tomorrow, especially for the Racing Industry.
  14. To his credit, Whisky Winn did come up with one quote a few years ago that truly reflected his character..... "Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have quickly learnt that it bears a very close resemblance to the first - I can screw who I like when I like and all on a tax payer funded first class gravy train. Giddy Up"
  15. aaah, an entertainer. Well done And extremely accurate to boot. I
  16. Entertainment requires talent and flair. You display neither, so why not just bore the shit out of me anyway with a 1000 word piece in 5 minutes on Whisky Winn's political achievements. If you get to 100 words I'll be very surprised. Good luck....your time starts now.
  17. It just goes to show that having money doesn't necessarily equate to having influence. I recall the murmurs per election regarding the Cambridge Exclusive Friday Drinkers Club going to be able to steer Whisky Winn into power and the fantastic flow on effect it would have, particularly to that group of, and I use the word loosely, gentlemen. Between them they would have hundreds of millions in real estate collateral, spread throughout NZ and Australia, but surprisingly, their combined IQ would struggle to be anywhere near 100 when it came to the decision to back the conniving old soak. Well boys, I'll bet the drinks have tasted somewhat sour these past few months, and if my mail is anywhere near accurate, the Messara Sideshow has already been cast adrift, with the captain abandoning ship. Bottoms up Boys.
  18. If the rumours are to be believed, Garry with two R's and Mark with two chins are in deep discussions to part with their kingdom of 1000 hectares. Phil Bullshit Twyford and Whisky Winstone have been seen measuring out sections on Tower Road in anticipation of building the biggest suburb south of Manakau. Who woulda thought?
  19. I also understand with the mix up in horses and Tony's treatments, he was seen skipping round the suburbs of Brisbane displaying a level of fitness never seen before.
  20. I understand the horses were given a dose of Uric Acid supplements, which were supposed to be for Tony's gout, but somehow were put in the horses' breakfast by mistake.
  21. MJW is back from his family break and kicks off again with a ride for C Waller in Melbourne tomorrow.