RaceCafe..#1...Tipsters Thread.... Share Your Fancies For Fun...Lets See Who The Best Tipsters Here Are.
zelda kratchanova 2

joke thread

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The wife was not best pleased when I told her my plans to book us a world cruise had fallen through due to last minute complications that were out of my hands

It's not like I ASKED the f*cking jockey to fall off the horse

 

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An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.
The ride was uneventful. . .except, every few minutes the Indian would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final, "Yahoo!" and rode off.
"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant.
"Nothing. I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn’t fall off."
"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians ride bareback"

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A DWARF WITH A LISP...

A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm.... 'I'd like to buy a horth' he says.
What sort of horse?', said the owner.
'A female horth,' the owner shows him a mare.
'Nithe horth,' says the dwarf, 'can I thee her eyth?" The owner picks him up shows the eyes.
'Nith eyth', says the dwarf, 'can I thee her teeth?' The owner picks him up shows the teeth.
'Nith teeth,' he says 'now can I see her twot?' The owner picks him up and shoves his head deep inside the horses vagina, pulls him out. The dwarf shakes his head and says 'Perhaps I should weefwaze that... 'Can I see her wun awound?

 

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Luigi walks to work 20 blocks every day and passes a shoe store twice every day.
 
Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Armani leather shoes.
 
He wants those shoes so much...it's all he can think about.
 
After about 2 months he saves the price of the shoes, $300, and purchases them.
 
Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance in the church basement.
 
Luigi seizes this opportunity to wear his new Armani leather shoes for the first time.
 
He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her,
 
'Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?'
 
Startled, Sophia replies, 'Yes, Luigi , I do wear red panties tonight,
 
But how do you know?'
 
Luigi answers, 'I see the reflection in my new $300 Armani leather shoes.
 
How do you like them?'
 
Next he asks Rosa to dance, and after a few minutes he asks,
 
' Rosa , do you wear white panties tonight?'
 
Rosa answers, 'Yes, Luigi, I do, But how do you know that?'
 
He replies, 'I see the reflection in my new $300 Armani leather shoes.. .
 
How do you like them?'
 
Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played, Luigi asks Carmela to dance.
 
Midway through the dance his face turns red...
 
He states, 'Carmela, be stilla my heart, Please, please tell me you wear no panties tonight, Please, please, tella me this true!'
 
Carmela smiles coyly and answers, 'Yes Luigi , I wear no panties tonight...'
 
Luigi gasps,
 
'Thanka God ...
I thought I had a CRACK in my $300 Armani Leather Shoes .........
 

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Two whales, a male and a female, were swimming side by side in the ocean.

Suddenly, the male whale spots a ship in the distance. He recognises it as
The whaling ship that killed his father.

Filled with anger, he says to his female companion, "That's the ship that
Killed my father! Let's swim closer!"

When they were close enough, the male said, "Why don't we swim under the
Ship and blow air through our blow holes and break the ship into a million
Pieces? That will be sweet revenge." And the female agreed to this.

So they each took a deep breath of air, swam under the ship, and blew
Enormous amounts of air under the ship. The ship flew into the air and
Crashed back to the sea and broke into a million pieces.

The pair of whales started to swim off when they realised that the sailors
  were not dead, but clinging to pieces of wood and floating in the ocean.

The male whale was furious and said to the female whale, "They're still
Alive, but I've got another idea. Let's swim around and gulp up all the
Sailors!"

That's when the female stopped swimming, looked at the male and said, "Oh
No... I agreed to the blow job but I'm NOT swallowing the seamen."

    

 


 

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