..th'Laughing~Lounge., yours to Add to.."hehehee"

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[Rambling_Kidd 160]

[Rambling_Kidd 160]

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..brilliant

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Blondes 
  
Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the 
Texas Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview 
looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all want to be cops, 
huh?"

The blondes all nodded.

The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a 
folder.
Sitting 
back down, he opened it, pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a 
detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to 
notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities like 
scars and so forth."

So he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it 
after about two seconds. "Now," he said, "did you notice any 
distinguishing features about this man?"

The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one 
eye!"

The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye 
in this picture! It's a side profile of his face! You're 
dismissed!"

The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the 
office.

The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her 
face for two seconds, pulled it back, and said,"What about you? 
Notice anything unusual or Outstanding about this 
man?"

"Yes!  He only has one ear!"

The detective put his head in his 
hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other 
lady? This is side picture profile of the man's face! Of course 
you can only see one ear! You're excused 
too!"

The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the 
office.

The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and 
said, "This is probably a waste of time, but...." He flashed the 
photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, 
"All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual 
features about this man?"

The blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact 
lenses."

The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and began 
looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the 
blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely 
right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you 
tell that by looking at his picture?"

The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, Hellooooooooooooo! With 
only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear 
glasses."      

 

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Miley! ..that's Such a similarity, it's nearly swung me from a creationist..to a big Banger

 

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..Here's a super~city

 

 

"clandestine design..and gradualism."

....by author: Len Brown

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twwit Who?...You!

 

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Daddy, how was I born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks, "Daddy, how was I born?" 

The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!"

"Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.

Then I set up a date via email with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.

We sneaked into a secluded room and googled each other.

There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive."

"As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered

that neither one of us had used a firewall,

and since it was too late to hit the delete button,

nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:"

"You got Male."

 

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Making a Baby....

 

 

 

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.' 

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'   

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.' 

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?' 

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !.

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!' 

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.' 

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'
'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said. 

'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with..'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.' 

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away..'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'
Mrs.  Smith  fainted

 

 

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Wrong side of the Bed

 

 

Mother Superior was on her way to late morning prayers when she passed two novices just leaving early morning prayers on their way to classes.

As she passed the young ladies, Mother Superior said, "Good morning ladies."

The novices replied, "Good morning, Mother Superior, may God be with you."

But after they had passed, Mother Superior heard one say to the other, "I think she got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."

 This startled Mother Superior, but she chose not to pursue the issue.

A little further down the hall, Mother Superior passed two of the sisters who had been teaching at the convent for several years.

She greeted them with "Good morning Sister Martha, Sister Jessica, may God give you the wisdom for our students today."

"Good morning, Mother Superior. Thank you and may God be with you."

 But again after passing, Mother Superior overheard, "She got up on the wrong side of the bed today."

Baffled, she started to wonder if she had spoken harshly or with an irritated look on her face. She vowed to be more pleasant. Looking down the hall, Mother Superior saw retired Sister Mary approaching, step by step, with her walker. As Sister Mary was rather deaf, Mother Superior had plenty of time to arrange a pleasant smile on her face before greeting Sister Mary.

"Good morning, Sister Mary, I'm so happy to see you up and about. I pray God watches over you today, and grants you a wonderful day."

"Ah, good morning, Mother Superior. I see you got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."

Mother Superior was floored! "Sister Mary, what have I done wrong? I have tried to be pleasant but three times already today people have said that about me."

Sister Mary stopped her walker and looked Mother Superior in the face.

"Oh, don't take it personally, Mother Superior. It's just that you're wearing Father Murphy's slippers."

 

 

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Blondes 
  
Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the 
Texas Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview 
looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all want to be cops, 
huh?"

The blondes all nodded.

The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a 
folder.
Sitting 
back down, he opened it, pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a 
detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to 
notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities like 
scars and so forth."

So he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it 
after about two seconds. "Now," he said, "did you notice any 
distinguishing features about this man?"

The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one 
eye!"

The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye 
in this picture! It's a side profile of his face! You're 
dismissed!"

The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the 
office.

The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her 
face for two seconds, pulled it back, and said,"What about you? 
Notice anything unusual or Outstanding about this 
man?"

"Yes!  He only has one ear!"

The detective put his head in his 
hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other 
lady? This is side picture profile of the man's face! Of course 
you can only see one ear! You're excused 
too!"

The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the 
office.

The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and 
said, "This is probably a waste of time, but...." He flashed the 
photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, 
"All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual 
features about this man?"

The blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact 
lenses."

The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and began 
looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the 
blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely 
right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you 
tell that by looking at his picture?"

The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, Hellooooooooooooo! With 
only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear 
glasses."      

 

[Rambling_Kidd 160]

... 

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http://youtu.be/G5tbSn3wpsY

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Mr. Movember..the winner Surely!

 

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TV3~News: FriNOV~29th_13

 

Curators behind a Dunedin cannabis museum have a very special exhibition planned for next week's test match against the West Indies.

The display, dubbed 'Hit for Six', hopes to show the apparent love story between New Zealand cricketers and weed.

Curator Abe Gray hopes many visiting Jamaican cricket fans will come along to check it out.

"Cannabis and cricket just seem to go together for some reason," he says. "It is hands-down the favourite sport among Kiwi stoners."

The exhibition features information about famous cricketers who were known to be cannabis smokers during their career, along with displays about cannabis-loving spectators.

The list of honour includes Stephen Fleming, New Zealand's most successful test captain, who admitted smoking the drug in South Africa in 1993.

 

Cricket fans were happy to talk about the issue while watching a game near Christchurch today.

"I'd be surprised if you said participants, yes, I wouldn't be so surprised if you said the guys watching," one fan noted.

An English fan, Leigh Collins, joked he was "surprised" that anyone could be high while watching cricket.

"You can't watch the game unless you've got full concentration really," he joked. "What about the umpires, are they the same?

"It's a disgrace and I'm glad I'm not a New Zealander […] I've travelled a long way to come here only to find out that all the New Zealand supporters are dopeheads."

New Zealand Cricket weren't seeing the joke, however, and have refused to comment.

The exhibition opens on Sunday and will be available to the public for two months. The museum, Whakamana, can be found in a small house off Dunedin's David St.

3 News

http://www.3news.co.nz/Cannabis-and-cricket-just-seem-to-go-together---curator/tabid/423/articleID/323383/Default.aspx

 

 

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