The Diceman Cometh

Yes, yes Tim, he is no doubt a lovely young hard working boy, apple of his family's eye, wonderfully generous of soul, destined for a brilliant career, asset to the industry, etc, etc, etc..........
 
But that does not alter the fact that I missed out on a FARKING nice collect because young Prick of a Pimply faced Matt, FARKING dragged my sole selection back off the gate .....to FARKING LAST, of all FARKING places, when the racing pattern of the day was to be on the FARKING pace, for Christ FARKING SAKE, and sat there like a FARKING stuffed muffin, and then picked the fattest FARKING mule in the race to follow while it made the shortest burst in equine history to improve, before steering right to FARKING outside fence of the FARKING track, so wide was he in fact, I noticed he grabbed a packet of  FARKING TALLEYS frozen peas from the production line down the back straight.......the FARKING IDJIT...................and still those lazy FARKING stripes, didn't bother to ask what the FARK was going on in that brilliant young mind of the hard working young pilot.....MATT the PRAT.
 
Now Tim, it's just as well I don't hold a punting grudge for longer than 48 hours, because if this FARKING excuse of an equine animal just happens to run a FARKING drum tomorrow, I may not drive to the airport, board a flight to FARKING Tasmanman country, hire a car and navigate my way to the track, and locate young MATT the Prat.
I would cover his lovely young head in Vaseline, and then proceed to insert it right up the FARKING ARSE OF THAT FARKING DIRTY FARKING EXCUSE OF AN FARKING EQUINE.........no hard FARKING feelings intended of course.
 
 
 
 
Take a deep breath ........remember the Punters Mantra.......
 
"And in my hour of loosing darkness, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom
 
Let it be
 
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be you loser
Let it be
 
There will be an answer, there is another FARKING Raceday tomorrow 
 
LET IT FARKING BE"
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Nurse, more medication please.........NURSE, where the FARK ARE YOU?

What a FARKING BRILLIANT DRIVE from one of NZ’s leading young and extremely talented reinsmen. MIGHTY MATT ANDERSON.
 
What a difference in attitude he showed today.
That rev up on the phone from TV must have made the difference.
Onya Tim.

What a FARKING BRILLIANT DRIVE from one of NZ’s leading young and extremely talented reinsmen. MIGHTY MATT ANDERSON.
 
What a difference in attitude he showed today.
That rev up on the phone from TV must have made the difference.
Onya Tim.

Yes, yes Tim, he is no doubt a lovely young hard working boy, apple of his family's eye, wonderfully generous of soul, destined for a brilliant career, asset to the industry, etc, etc, etc..........
 
But that does not alter the fact that I missed out on a FARKING nice collect because young Prick of a Pimply faced Matt, FARKING dragged my sole selection back off the gate .....to FARKING LAST, of all FARKING places, when the racing pattern of the day was to be on the FARKING pace, for Christ FARKING SAKE, and sat there like a FARKING stuffed muffin, and then picked the fattest FARKING mule in the race to follow while it made the shortest burst in equine history to improve, before steering right to FARKING outside fence of the FARKING track, so wide was he in fact, I noticed he grabbed a packet of  FARKING TALLEYS frozen peas from the production line down the back straight.......the FARKING IDJIT...................and still those lazy FARKING stripes, didn't bother to ask what the FARK was going on in that brilliant young mind of the hard working young pilot.....MATT the PRAT.
 
Now Tim, it's just as well I don't hold a punting grudge for longer than 48 hours, because if this FARKING excuse of an equine animal just happens to run a FARKING drum tomorrow, I may not drive to the airport, board a flight to FARKING Tasmanman country, hire a car and navigate my way to the track, and locate young MATT the Prat.
I would cover his lovely young head in Vaseline, and then proceed to insert it right up the FARKING ARSE OF THAT FARKING DIRTY FARKING EXCUSE OF AN FARKING EQUINE.........no hard FARKING feelings intended of course.
 
 
 
 
Take a deep breath ........remember the Punters Mantra.......
 
"And in my hour of loosing darkness, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom
 
Let it be
 
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be you loser
Let it be
 
There will be an answer, there is another FARKING Raceday tomorrow 
 
LET IT FARKING BE"
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Nurse, more medication please.........NURSE, where the FARK ARE YOU?

Yes, yes Tim, he is no doubt a lovely young hard working boy, apple of his family's eye, wonderfully generous of soul, destined for a brilliant career, asset to the industry, etc, etc, etc..........
 
But that does not alter the fact that I missed out on a FARKING nice collect because young Prick of a Pimply faced Matt, FARKING dragged my sole selection back off the gate .....to FARKING LAST, of all FARKING places, when the racing pattern of the day was to be on the FARKING pace, for Christ FARKING SAKE, and sat there like a FARKING stuffed muffin, and then picked the fattest FARKING mule in the race to follow while it made the shortest burst in equine history to improve, before steering right to FARKING outside fence of the FARKING track, so wide was he in fact, I noticed he grabbed a packet of  FARKING TALLEYS frozen peas from the production line down the back straight.......the FARKING IDJIT...................and still those lazy FARKING stripes, didn't bother to ask what the FARK was going on in that brilliant young mind of the hard working young pilot.....MATT the PRAT.
 
Now Tim, it's just as well I don't hold a punting grudge for longer than 48 hours, because if this FARKING excuse of an equine animal just happens to run a FARKING drum tomorrow, I may not drive to the airport, board a flight to FARKING Tasmanman country, hire a car and navigate my way to the track, and locate young MATT the Prat.
I would cover his lovely young head in Vaseline, and then proceed to insert it right up the FARKING ARSE OF THAT FARKING DIRTY FARKING EXCUSE OF AN FARKING EQUINE.........no hard FARKING feelings intended of course.
 
 
 
 
Take a deep breath ........remember the Punters Mantra.......
 
"And in my hour of loosing darkness, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom
 
Let it be
 
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be you loser
Let it be
 
There will be an answer, there is another FARKING Raceday tomorrow 
 
LET IT FARKING BE"
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Nurse, more medication please.........NURSE, where the FARK ARE YOU?

Yes, yes Tim, he is no doubt a lovely young hard working boy, apple of his family's eye, wonderfully generous of soul, destined for a brilliant career, asset to the industry, etc, etc, etc..........
 
But that does not alter the fact that I missed out on a FARKING nice collect because young Prick of a Pimply faced Matt, FARKING dragged my sole selection back off the gate .....to FARKING LAST, of all FARKING places, when the racing pattern of the day was to be on the FARKING pace, for Christ FARKING SAKE, and sat there like a FARKING stuffed muffin, and then picked the fattest FARKING mule in the race to follow while it made the shortest burst in equine history to improve, before steering right to FARKING outside fence of the FARKING track, so wide was he in fact, I noticed he grabbed a packet of  FARKING TALLEYS frozen peas from the production line down the back straight.......the FARKING IDJIT...................and still those lazy FARKING stripes, didn't bother to ask what the FARK was going on in that brilliant young mind of the hard working young pilot.....MATT the PRAT.
 
Now Tim, it's just as well I don't hold a punting grudge for longer than 48 hours, because if this FARKING excuse of an equine animal just happens to run a FARKING drum tomorrow, I may not drive to the airport, board a flight to FARKING Tasmanman country, hire a car and navigate my way to the track, and locate young MATT the Prat.
I would cover his lovely young head in Vaseline, and then proceed to insert it right up the FARKING ARSE OF THAT FARKING DIRTY FARKING EXCUSE OF AN FARKING EQUINE.........no hard FARKING feelings intended of course.
 
 
 
 
Take a deep breath ........remember the Punters Mantra.......
 
"And in my hour of loosing darkness, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom
 
Let it be
 
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be you loser
Let it be
 
There will be an answer, there is another FARKING Raceday tomorrow 
 
LET IT FARKING BE"
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Nurse, more medication please.........NURSE, where the FARK ARE YOU?

Yes, yes Tim, he is no doubt a lovely young hard working boy, apple of his family's eye, wonderfully generous of soul, destined for a brilliant career, asset to the industry, etc, etc, etc..........
 
But that does not alter the fact that I missed out on a FARKING nice collect because young Prick of a Pimply faced Matt, FARKING dragged my sole selection back off the gate .....to FARKING LAST, of all FARKING places, when the racing pattern of the day was to be on the FARKING pace, for Christ FARKING SAKE, and sat there like a FARKING stuffed muffin, and then picked the fattest FARKING mule in the race to follow while it made the shortest burst in equine history to improve, before steering right to FARKING outside fence of the FARKING track, so wide was he in fact, I noticed he grabbed a packet of  FARKING TALLEYS frozen peas from the production line down the back straight.......the FARKING IDJIT...................and still those lazy FARKING stripes, didn't bother to ask what the FARK was going on in that brilliant young mind of the hard working young pilot.....MATT the PRAT.
 
Now Tim, it's just as well I don't hold a punting grudge for longer than 48 hours, because if this FARKING excuse of an equine animal just happens to run a FARKING drum tomorrow, I may not drive to the airport, board a flight to FARKING Tasmanman country, hire a car and navigate my way to the track, and locate young MATT the Prat.
I would cover his lovely young head in Vaseline, and then proceed to insert it right up the FARKING ARSE OF THAT FARKING DIRTY FARKING EXCUSE OF AN FARKING EQUINE.........no hard FARKING feelings intended of course.
 
 
 
 
Take a deep breath ........remember the Punters Mantra.......
 
"And in my hour of loosing darkness, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom
 
Let it be
 
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be you loser
Let it be
 
There will be an answer, there is another FARKING Raceday tomorrow 
 
LET IT FARKING BE"
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Nurse, more medication please.........NURSE, where the FARK ARE YOU?

Yes, yes Tim, he is no doubt a lovely young hard working boy, apple of his family's eye, wonderfully generous of soul, destined for a brilliant career, asset to the industry, etc, etc, etc..........
 
But that does not alter the fact that I missed out on a FARKING nice collect because young Prick of a Pimply faced Matt, FARKING dragged my sole selection back off the gate .....to FARKING LAST, of all FARKING places, when the racing pattern of the day was to be on the FARKING pace, for Christ FARKING SAKE, and sat there like a FARKING stuffed muffin, and then picked the fattest FARKING mule in the race to follow while it made the shortest burst in equine history to improve, before steering right to FARKING outside fence of the FARKING track, so wide was he in fact, I noticed he grabbed a packet of  FARKING TALLEYS frozen peas from the production line down the back straight.......the FARKING IDJIT...................and still those lazy FARKING stripes, didn't bother to ask what the FARK was going on in that brilliant young mind of the hard working young pilot.....MATT the PRAT.
 
Now Tim, it's just as well I don't hold a punting grudge for longer than 48 hours, because if this FARKING excuse of an equine animal just happens to run a FARKING drum tomorrow, I may not drive to the airport, board a flight to FARKING Tasmanman country, hire a car and navigate my way to the track, and locate young MATT the Prat.
I would cover his lovely young head in Vaseline, and then proceed to insert it right up the FARKING ARSE OF THAT FARKING DIRTY FARKING EXCUSE OF AN FARKING EQUINE.........no hard FARKING feelings intended of course.
 
 
 
 
Take a deep breath ........remember the Punters Mantra.......
 
"And in my hour of loosing darkness, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom
 
Let it be
 
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be you loser
Let it be
 
There will be an answer, there is another FARKING Raceday tomorrow 
 
LET IT FARKING BE"
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Nurse, more medication please.........NURSE, where the FARK ARE YOU?

One night a small, twin engined commercial airplane was flying over 
South Auckland with five people on board: the pilot, the late Jonah Lomu, a very pissed Whisky Winston Peters, the Dali Lama and Johm Key. Suddenly there was an explosion and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened and the pilot burst into the compartment. 

"Gentlemen, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're 
about to crash in South Auckland. The good news is that there are four 
parachutes, and I have one of them." With that the pilot threw open the 
door and jumped from the plane. 

Jonah Lomu was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen, I am New Zealand's 
greatest athlete. The country needs great athletes. I think the greatest 
athlete should have a parachute.!" With these words he grabbed one of 
the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the 
night. 

Whisky Winn Peters rose in a drunken stupor  and said "Gennamin, I am the country's cleverest man without doubt. I am a saint, that cool my shit don't stink and I have sooooo many dodgy deals on the go, I can't die. The country needs clever men. It needs ME and I think NZ's cleverest man should have parachute too." He grabbed one and out he jumped. 

The Dalai Lama and John Key looked at one another. Finally, the Dali 
Lama spoke. "My son, I have lived a satisfying life and have known the 
bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you. You take 
the parachute and I will go down with the plane." John Key smiled slowly 
and said "That's awesome, your holiness, but chill out. NZ's cleverest 
man just jumped out wearing my backpack.
 

That reflection you refer to........
Think I would enjoy working as a mirror cleaner. It’s just something I could really see myself doing.
The rear view mirror fell out of my car a couple of months ago and I have never replaced it. Haven’t looked back since.
Spotted Santa’s assistant taking a photo in a mirror. Think it was an elfie.
 
 
Oh, and just to confirm, Whisky Winn is a lying old Farking life time trougher, drinking out of the public booze cabinet, funnily enough, at your expense. On second thought, you are on a benefit, so it is at my expense. But being the bible bashing left wing soft cock, you are, you and your sixteen siblings will no doubt be happy with that. You are a total waste of space. Fark off.
 
 

If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.

Sweet Farking Jesus......
Brian Tamati is amongst us.
 

Funny you should mention that.
I was listening to that same news item on CNN and Goooober was totally incoherent.
Hardly surprising I suppose. It is the Cannabis News Network.

It was a hell of an auction.
 
It was a mortgagee sale with the property having a GV of around $6 million.
When the bloke woke up on auction day he would be hoping for the best to get out of a tight situation.
Three genuine buyers, two who joined together to out last the third.
His final few bids were probably  resentment ones, to make the other two feel some extra pain in securing it.
It was great theatre and well done to Tony and Des and the boys.
And the vendor was that happy, he went and bought another farm the same day with the extra proceeds that surely had not been anticipated before the gavel fell.
Only in bloody Cambridge 
 

Fark me.....did I read that correctly?
 
What do you call a mentally challenged person with half a brain?
100 to none

I found a few more of his dribbling ....
 
  One word sums up probably the responsibility of any deputy prime minister, and that one word is 'to be prepared.' I love Auckland, I practically grew up in Hamilton. It's wonderful to be here in the great Province of Invercargill. I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people. We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe. The global importance of the Middle East is that it keeps the Far East and the Near East from encroaching on each other. We're going to have the best-educated Kiwi people in the world. I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change. We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur. The future will be better tomorrow, especially for the Racing Industry.

I found a few more of his dribbling ....
 
  One word sums up probably the responsibility of any deputy prime minister, and that one word is 'to be prepared.' I love Auckland, I practically grew up in Hamilton. It's wonderful to be here in the great Province of Invercargill. I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people. We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe. The global importance of the Middle East is that it keeps the Far East and the Near East from encroaching on each other. We're going to have the best-educated Kiwi people in the world. I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change. We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur. The future will be better tomorrow, especially for the Racing Industry.

To his credit, Whisky Winn did come up with one quote a few years ago that truly reflected his character.....
"Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have quickly learnt that it bears a very close resemblance to the first - I can screw who I like when I like and all on a tax payer funded first class gravy train. Giddy Up"

I understand the horses were given a dose of Uric Acid supplements, which were supposed to be for Tony's gout, but somehow were put in the horses' breakfast by mistake.

I understand the horses were given a dose of Uric Acid supplements, which were supposed to be for Tony's gout, but somehow were put in the horses' breakfast by mistake.

I understand the horses were given a dose of Uric Acid supplements, which were supposed to be for Tony's gout, but somehow were put in the horses' breakfast by mistake.

MJW is back from his family break and kicks off again with a ride for C Waller in Melbourne tomorrow.
 

Attention Sacked Australian Racing Administrators:
HAVE YOU GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO JOIN THE CURRENT NZ RACING ADMIN TEAM?

Welcome to this year's Racing public service exam.

I see that all of you have been able to find yourself a seat and desk so obviously you've got what it takes to be public servants.

Should you pass this exam and become a member of the public service, you will enjoy not only the esteem and envy of all your friends but also a unique package of fringe benefits, including:
* An early retirement scheme which allows you to retire while still turning up for work
* flexitime which enables you to decide when you don't want to work at work and when you don't want to work away from work
* free use of government stationery (this has been facilitated by the introduction of eight-items-or-less lanes as you leave the building.

I must at this stage warn all examinees that anyone found cheating or copying from their neighbour's paper will be automatically assigned to Petone - regardless of whether they fail the intelligence test ... ESPECIALLY if they fail the intelligence test..

MATHEMATICS:

Please answer the following question in the spaces provided on your answer sheet.

If you went to lunch at 12 noon and came back to work at 2:30pm how long have you had for lunch?
The answer of course is half an hour.

For those who failed the maths test, you may still be eligible to become Mr Howard's tax policy adviser.

MULTIPLE CHOICE:

1. If you are about to take your lunch break and a female member of the general public comes with an enquiry, you should address her by saying:
a) Can I help you, madam?
Can I help you, miss?
c) What can I do you for, mate?
d) How's tricks, doll-face

The correct answer is 'none of the above'. This is a trick question. If you are about to take your lunch break, you shouldn't talk to her at all.

2. If a member of the general public phones up with a complaint and you realize that the file on this matter has been lost. You should say:
a) We are looking into the matter
Can I get back to you on this one?
c) The matters have been referred to another committee
d) I haven't had a chance to look into it yet.

The correct answer is that you should tell them that they have the wrong telephone extension.

SPELLING:

Spell the following words
a) Tea
Sickie
c) Lunchbreak
d) Go-slow

This is the end of the examination.Please sign your exam paper illegibly and pass it to those collecting them, while denying that you have ever seen or heard anything about it.

GUIDE TO PERFORMANCE APPRAISALS:

GREAT PRESENTATION SKILLS = Able to bullshit
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS = Spends a lot of time on the phone
AVERAGE EMPLOYEE = Not too bright
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED = Made no major blunders yet
WORK IS FIRST PRIORITY = Too ugly to get a date
ACTIVE SOCIALLY = Drinks a lot
FAMILY IS ACTIVE SOCIALLY = Spouse drinks, too
INDEPENDENT WORKER = Nobody knows what he/she does
QUICK THINKING = Offers plausible excuses
CAREFUL THINKER = Wont make a decision
AGGRESSIVE = Obnoxious
USES LOGIC ON DIFFICULT JOBS = Gets someone else to do it
EXPRESSES THEMSELVES WELL = Speaks English
METICULOUS ATTENTION TO DETAIL = A nit picker
HAS LEADERSHIP QUALITIES = Is tall or has a loud voice
EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD JUDGEMENT = Lucky
KEEN SENSE OF HUMOUR = Knows a lot of dirty jokes
CAREER MINDED = Back Stabber
LOYAL = Can't get a job anywhere else   Read 6260 times Last modified on Thursday, 07 February 2013 01:32

His brother Nic is a good bloke.
 
 

His brother Nic is a good bloke.