RaceCafe..#1...Tipsters Thread.... Share Your Fancies For Fun...Lets See Who The Best Tipsters Here Are.
zelda kratchanova 2

joke thread

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An American bets an irish man that he can't drink ten pints one after the other.

The irish man ups and leaves and comes back after half an hour an accepts the bet and wins 


The American in shock says wow paddy fair play but can I ask were you went.

The irish man replies sure I had to go to the pub across the road and make sure I could do it first

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A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: "'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am". The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude".

"You must be a technician." said the balloonist. "I am" replied the man "how did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip with your talk."

The man below responded, "You must be in management". "I am" replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the man "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fucking fault!

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Boris has a blind friend with a lbabrador dog guide

he went into the TAB with the dog and then picked it up by the lead and swung it around and around in the air, n0?

the man behind the window shouted what're you doing you idoit:angry:

the blind man sayed I am just having a look around :blink:

 

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Guest 2Admin2

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion thattheir ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.


Not to be outdone by the British, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York Times: "American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the British".


One week later the Otago Daily Times reported the following:
"After digging as deep as 30 feet in his backyard in Tapanui , Horri Parata , a self-taught Maori archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely bugger-all.
Horri  has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, NZ had already gone wireless..."
Makes me feel bloody proud to be a NZ er.
 

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Defense Attorney:
Will you please state your age?
Little Old Lady:
I am 86 years old.

Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?
Little Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?
Little Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?
Little Old Lady:
No, I didn’t stop him.

Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Alfred died some 20 years ago.

Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady:
He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?
Little Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven’t felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so “spicy” that I just laid down and told him “Take me, young man. Take me now!”

Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?
Little Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, “April Fool!” And that’s when I shot the bastard.
________________________

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