RaceCafe..#1...Tipsters Thread.... Share Your Fancies For Fun...Lets See Who The Best Tipsters Here Are.
zelda kratchanova 2

joke thread

Recommended Posts

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation in Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, “You can have her buried here in the Holy Land for 1500 or we can have her shipped back home for 50000.”

The husband thought about it and told the undertaker he would have her shipped back home. The undertaker asked him, “why would you spend 50000 to have her shipped home when you could have a beautiful burial here, and it would only cost 1500?”

The husband replied, “Long ago, a man (JESUS) died here, was buried here, and three days later, rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance!”

 

 

“Pastor, my dog is dead. Could there be a service for the poor creature?”

Pastor replied, “No, we cannot have service for an animal in the church. But there is a new church down the road. Maybe they will do something for the animal”.

The man answered” “Pastor, but do you think they will accept a donation of $250,000 in return for the burial service?”

Pastor exclaimed, “Sweet Jesus! Why didn’t u tell me that dog was a Christian.”

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites


A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man. 

The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane. 

The second man explained that he was a DEA  agent and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'. 

 'His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. 

 I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.' 

The plane took off, and once it has levelled out,  the agent  said, 'Watch this.' He told Sniffer to 'search.' 

Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. 


Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the agent's arm. 

The agent said, 'Good boy', and he turned to the man and said, 'That woman is in possession of  marijuana, so I'm making a note of  her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land. 

'Say, that's pretty neat,' replied the first man. 

Once again, the agent sent Sniffer to search the aisles. 

 The lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm. 

The agent said, 'That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police.' 

I like it!' said his seat mate. 

The agent then told Sniffer to 'search' again.. 

Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while,  sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to poo all over the place. 

The first man was really grossed out by this behaviour and couldn't figure out how or why a  well-trained dog would behave like that, so he asked the agent, 'What's going on?' 

The agent nervously replied,.... 'He just found a bomb.'

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This from the Informant... has to be a joke.

" In 2006 the racing industry still had $70 million in cash reserves and a further $36 million in property. That’s only 12 years ago but all that money is now gone. The property has been sold, the cash reserves exhausted and most of the $24 million required to increase the stakes for this season and next has been borrowed. "

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.